Yea i agree with most of the other comments, with some more emotion it will pick up your flow and you'll sound 20 times better. When i first went to the studio and did my first take the producer told me i could do better if i spit how i felt and really seemed like i meant it..i killed it. So try that out, lyrics are dope by the way.
you can hear me on my page:
http://www.youtube.com/user/riddlermusic